Re-gr-et.

Week 12 this week.
Last week of the semester. Or should I say, last week of my second year as a pharmacy student.

I realized that my life here is pretty dull. I don't go out much and I've never been to anywhere besides Melbourne city. Its either I have no time or nobody wants to go explore with me because they have already been there or they're just too lazy to move their bums around. Too late to think about it this year since I've already made up my mind to go home this year, I shall look forward to a more interesting year next year :) Next year I am determined to go out more often! Shouldn't waste my 4 years here doing nothing and not exploring this land down under. I know I'll regret it so bad in the future.

And I guess its because of that that I dont even have anything to talk about. Everyday I am happy about the same old thing, I am worried about the same old thing, I am doing the same old thing, I am eating the same old thing. I should be grateful but I guess its not the life I would choose to live.

And again, I'm scared. The way they always say "the days are numbered", it haunts me really. Sometimes I really wonder if 4.5 weeks is actually that long because I feel like I have the need to be back home again. Things are not going that well and I'm worried. I tend to not take things for granted any more and I try to spend some time to at least skype whenever I see the online signal.

You know what I regret the most?
A week before I first left for Melbourne, I was talking with her and I said
"Family will always be there with you no matter how long and how far you are away from each other. But friends are different. If you don't spend time to nurture this relationship, you might lose it forever. So I hope to spend more time with my friends"
I regretted saying that a week after I reached Melbourne last year because I realized that although I missed my friends, I missed my family even more.
But now, I regret it even more because I actually said that to her. I guess at that time I didn't realize the fact that friends grow old with you but the family in general are ageing while we're still growing.

And yea, I know what you're thinking. Its one of those emo-zhihan-days. I guess it is given that I've been having insomnia for a few days now. If only everything would be better right after a good night's sleep, if only pixie dust do exist, I hope it'll take all my fears away.

Return.

Its time to go back to my life in Melbourne. Honestly, I can't say I don't miss it because I really do. I am glad that I have the chance to come back for 11 days and I'm glad that I was able to help out in some ways.

I don't want to say goodbye. It will be so hard this time. Although its only 7 weeks this time but I am sure it will feel like 7 years. We don't know if we have the time. I don't want to be prepared. I want to be able to come home and see your face all the time.

我不舍得。

不舍得道别，更不舍得离开。

因为。。

我不能确保这不是最后的道别。

I've been really teary since this morning. And it was worse than when I first left for Melbourne last year. Because this time, I don't know what to expect when I come back. I know I am being too negative, being too stubborn but then again, I can't force myself to believe that everything will be the same.

I guess what I can say now is,

"Let's fight against the odds."

I'll do my best to be more positive and I hope you will believe in yourself too. I promise I will skype you more often. I promise I will call home once I have time to spare.

I hope, we can all go and enjoy our family trip together this December.

Stay strong :')

Of Hellos, Smiles and Joy.

So..

If you see someone who looks like me on the streets in Klang, don't come and tell me you saw someone that looks like me, just go up and say hello because it is me. Lol. Hello peeps, I'm back in Klang :)

Decided to buy a last minute flight ticket to fly home and spend my holidays here, with the people that loves me the most.

I walked through the door and she didn't manage to recognise me because she thought it was impossible. It took a while for her to take in that I'm back, I'm actually back home in person. Everybody knew I was coming back besides her. I guess she was really surprised but I am not sure how she felt about it besides being surprised. Haha!

At the same time, I realized that I couldn't recognise her as well. She became so skinny and so fragile. So much so that it scares me. And what happened that night scared me even more. To see my grandmother cry was quite heartbreaking. Thinking that such a strong woman like her would cry when we're still trying to be as calm as we could. It is all.. just... heartbreaking.

Spending more time with her is the best thing that I can do. But under STUPID circumstances, I feel so reluctant to even go over to the house. Urgh. Just hate it all. But I am willing to give my best to fight the disturbance and at least try to spend more time with her.

I'm glad I bought the ticket home. At least I did something. At least I know, I am already capable of looking after her :')

Time, please don't pass too soon.