Hello. Bye.

Yesterday at yjing's house! :)

Went to join them right after I came back from Penang. I guess it was considered a farewell or some sort?

Long story cut short: TTS, thanks for being such a great friend (although still cacat at times) throughout the years. Hope you have an awesome uni life in Aussieland! Who knows, we might be able to meet up some time :)

* * *

Things got serious. The luggage is out and I am to start packing. 2 more weeks and its my turn to fly. Nothing can be sadder than saying goodbye :( *sigh*

Going home.

Every CNY, the part that I don't like would be the part where I have to go back to my hometown. Never liked it at all. Until I went overseas and realized how important it is for a family to be together. “独在异乡为异客，每逢佳节倍思亲”， I totally understand how it feels.

This year, I followed le family back to Penang and finally, I felt it was the right thing to do. If there was a year when I couldn't be here when everyone else is, I think it'll be very saddening. I saw some of my friends who are overseas and couldn't be with their family for this auspicious event and felt really lucky to be home for CNY. I am thankful for Australia's summer for falling around this time of the year, so I can be home :)

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! May this snake year be a blessed and wonderful year for everybody! :)

Me, so You.

The title doesn't seem to make much sense but it doesn't matter, because I just wanted to express whatever I have in my mind for today.

I said I'm going to change my temper, I said I'm gonna try and be better. Main point. Second point, I am trying to not get angry at petty little things, to filter what people say to me by differentiating jokes from statements and to know how to treat others better.

I know sometimes I get pretty tensed about things that do not even require attention. I am trying to take things slowly, to relax more and to cut the anxiousness in everything I do, BUT that does not mean I don't care! I care, but I chose to do it my way, a way which I feel more comfortable in and a way which I feel will work better on me, so why can't I do it? Today, I've had enough, whatever the reason, being treated like this three days in a row is crazy! No, I am going crazy!

You and I, our tempers are so identical that it's like fighting fire with fire. There will be no end to the argument but only more damage done. In other words, its pointless to talk us apart. I like things simple and as chill as possible even though my temper says otherwise, but YOU, you like things as complicated as can be. A simple sentence with no hidden meanings can mean a million and one things to you and in the end, you get all fired up and goodbye harmony.

I'm trying to be better, why can't you? I want to change because I don't want to be like you. I don't want it at all. Don't make me hate my holidays, don't make me want to disappear to Melbourne. I appreciate everything you've ever given to me, but I seriously don't like your temper. I just don't.

Nothing goes wrong even if you are slow. Nothing can be accomplished when you are too anxious and angry either. Keep your cool and do it right!

Summer Pain.

Ok, so it's obvious isn't it, about what I wanna say today. Lol.

After 2 months in Malaysia, I stood on a weighing scale for fun, and saw a few kilo decrease in my weight. Sure sounds like a good thing isn't it? But I know its not. Because, when muscles become fats, then, weight is lost. So.. That's what happened to me.

I am now in between sizes instead of an exact size. How to buy clothes now? D: I wonder if I can even fit into all the winter clothings that I bought in December since I got rounder and rounder by day. I guess T-shirts were meant to be my best friends, they are the only clothes I can fit in properly without any damage done to my self-esteem.

Sometimes I really do look forward to go back to Melb because I can jog everyday for as long as I want to. And I can control what I eat - I don't mean skipping meals but at least control the carbs and stuff. Here, I can't jog near my house thanks to all the stray dogs and all the people on motorbikes. And I can't control the food I eat because I can't decide what I eat, I eat what is given to me. I can't say No to Malaysian food can I? 

I keep telling myself I'd do it right when I go back to Melb. I really hope I do. I've never noticed what an unhealthy lifestyle I've been leading until I came back this summer. I'm definitely healthier in Melb because I know I must not fall sick, I must always be healthy. Here, Idk why, that thought never seem to exist. I just eat whatever, whenever.

My promise to myself for when I go back to Melb, even if it's not because of the size, I want to live a healthier live. Exercise more, have a cleaner diet and proper rest. I no longer want to screw my sleeping hours, I want proper sleep (while it lasts)!

A healthier lifestyle! #Resolution2013 :)

Last of the First.

31.1.13

The last day of the first month of 2013.

Can you believe it? A month came and went just like that. I personally felt like only a week had passed. Hehh. Sorry, I couldn't help repeating N times that time's passing too fast. Somehow I just don't feel like going back to Aussieland so soon.

January 2013.

I must say, it has been a really great month considering all the consequences and stuff. I had a really great time and it was a great start for this awesome year. After all, January IS my favourite month of the year. Haha! I hope the remaining 11 months of 2013 will treat me just as well :D

Hey, February, be nice, ok? Because March is gonna be such a pain for I have to study for 9 months again. Please let it be another awesome month! :)

Hope January has been well for everyone and also, hopefully February will be even better! :D

20th (Part 2)

I used to look forward to my birthday. Some times I make plans with my friends, some birthdays are spent studying/training for MSSDs, a few others are spent in the car, a 6 hour ride back to Penang for CNY, another few awesome ones which I vow to remember for as long as I could. 

To be honest, I don't really look forward to this birthday. Not because I'll be 2- instead of 1- but because the 28th means I only have 31 more days here in Malaysia with the people I cherish. Now, I only have 29 days left. This is a lot worse than counting down for the final exam. :(

Until 2 days ago, the most memorable birthday I had was my 17th birthday. My last birthday in Kwang Hua.  Unexpected events - spot-check, a birthday cake in class, unexpected presents :)

Now, I had a wonderful 20th birthday that I promise I will remember. A huge thank you to two main humans for yesterday, Huey Khim and Shao Qian. The always quiet Shao Qian, thanks a bunch :)) Not only that, a huge thank you to all those that wished me through calls, texts, Twitter and Facebook! I really appreciate it all :)

My birthday wish has always been the same since the last.. 4-5 years? Hahaha! This year is no different. I used to wish for toys when I was little but meh, toys don't last. Lol. Anyway, I hope it comes true :D

As I grew older, everyone finds it harder to get me birthday presents. Relatives started giving angpaus, friends started kidnapping me and insist I buy something. Lol. The best birthday present, to me, is not the most expensive present but the handmade birthday cards that I've received. Seriously, they rank #1 :) I insist on making birthday cards for my best friends because I find those much more meaningful than those expensive cards sold in bookshops/Memory Lane. So next time, just give me a handmade card and I will be happy enough :D

Oh well, I am finally TWENTY. 20. They say that once you reach 20, time flies faster than you could ever imagine. Before you know it, it'll be your 30th birthday. Oh crap. Haha! Although I am not always a religious person, but I must say, I am thankful for being alive. Thankful for being able to reach 20 when some couldn't even reach 10. Thankful for being able to eat all I want when others don't even have a single bowl of rice at meal time. Thankful for being healthy and so much more. I pray.

Being 20, I think its time to start worrying about taking care of the family and sharing the financial burden with my parents. Its time to start achieving my goals in life and become a better person. Its time to become more independent and also to be able to look ahead. I don't want to be a burden to anybody and that's where I will start. To do better in Melbourne and not let my parents down.

I will do well in 2013.
I will mark off my resolutions one by one.

I will be strong :)

20th (Part 1)

I've finally entered the 20s. It sounds so old! No longer "1-" but "2-"! But its ok, age is just a number I suppose :)

The 28th is over but it doesn't matter, I still want to write this blog post before I delay and delay and finally don't even bother about posting it up any more. Hehh. Birthday feelings later, this outing first before I forget the funny parts :P

It all started with.. Being a cheapo. Lol. Weird start, isn't it? Huey Khim decided that my birthday was a day that shouldn't even exist and hence, she said, "let's just go out yumcha at Mahmudah. Roti canai enough, you don't even need Teh Ais, save my monehh!" What a great friend, because our conversation ended with me eating roti kosong (even roti planta is considered too much) without a drink. Isn't she a wonder? Anyways, she made sure that I was free on the 28th. But never once throughout the week that she mention about the roti canai so much so that I thought it was just a joke. Only once, out of the blue she said "SCM at 12pm, ok?" I was like, "huh?" Lol. Until the 27th did I know that it was actually a gathering instead of a lunch date. Major LOL and they were all laughing at my stupidity. Sorry lah, I didn't think that far lo please. :P

And good friends are like that. They tell you 12pm but they appear at 12.45pm. Luckily I over-slept and reached at 12.30pm. *thumbs up really!* What were they doing? Hiding in food court trying to finish up the card. Lol. I shall forgive you guys for being "late" and also all the crappy lies! :P Best liar of the day goes to Tan Huey Khim! For making up N lies until I refused to believe anything she said towards the end of the day! 

So, instead of the promised roti canai, they decided to eat at Carl's Jr. I paid for my plate and we happily ate while crapping like we always do. When I went to wash my hands, they decided to stuff money into my bag without me noticing but HA-HA! They were so happy that they accomplished the mission because I didn't notice it until when we were about to leave the place. Then, when I finally notice the amount they left in the bag, I was like.. "what's with RM 13?" Huey Khim PROUDLY, I really mean proud, answered, "the money you paid for lunch lah!" They even stuffed a receipt into my bag. I looked at the receipt and looked at the money, then I pulled out a receipt from my purse and said "THIS, is my receipt (RM19.10)" and everyone was laughing like mad. JOKE OF THE DAY! Tan Ah Khim, you FAIL! Lol! I seriously cannot forget the look on your face when you saw the actual receipt. HAHAHA! Epicness! :D

They bought movie tickets for The Impossible, partly because I mentioned that I wanna watch the movie but after the movie, everyone was asking me why I chose to watch such a sad movie on my birthday! Hahaha! It was a very meaningful movie wert! Just that everyone got so sad and a few cried. Hehh. Sorry! xD

They insisted that we go to the park outside Setia City Mall. Berkeras like seriously. And Shao Qian insisted that we stand on the steps and take pictures. I should have noticed something was not right. Haha! Anyway, they gave me a card in the shape of an iPad! Cuteness overload! Haha! The "Safari" app is missing though. Because they said it dropped off -___- Low quality glue bought by Teng Han! :P They mentioned that the iPad was designed by Thuan Song, because he was the only one who can come up with ideas like that. Thanks a lot, tts! :D And! Huey Khim mentioned that the not-so-nice parts in the card were done by Teng Han! Hahaha! But it still looks awesome to me! :D Thank you Shao Qian and Huey Khim for completing the iPad and also thanks to everyone who signed it :D Love it much!

Other than that, they got me a present, had dinner at WongKok with a huge cup of Milk Tea and watched Taxi Taxi. So we had a sad afternoon watching The Impossible but our day ended pretty well with a comedy, Taxi Taxi. I had a really great day out with you guys. Haha! I didn't expect it to be a gathering. I seriously thought it was at most a lunch date with Huey Khim. *whoops* Thank you guys a bunch for everything. "keechiew sumpah" I will remember this birthday. Definitely one of the best birthdays I've ever had :D

Thank you Eng Seng, Nyee Huey, Xin Ying, Zhi Yin, Hui Gee, Swee Thian, Huey Khim and Shao Qian for today. Thank you Thuan Song and Teng Han for the effort behind the card. I am really really glad to have friends like you guys! A true blessing :)

The Dark Side.

I've seen + learned so much within the last few days. Things which I've noticed but am not convinced about. But now, I'm sure, that's how it is.

1. Being nasty.

I've noticed this a few months back that we were pretty similar. We both were.. the older sister, the not-so-pretty sister, the-somewhat-lacking sister, the-childish sister etc. Not to mention we used to have the signature bad temper. I, see myself in her. I saw the nasty side of her and in my eyes, I saw, a younger me, behaving like a brat in public. I felt so irritated by the way she is behaving, then only to realize that I, most probably, behaved like that too in the past. Which, now, I am desperate to change. Because, there was a day when I wanted to say "don't be such a bitch!" in her face, in front of her parents. I do not want to relive that part of me. I don't want to be like that any longer. I am less than 3 days away from being 20y/o, I don't want to be a nasty brat any more.

2. Being demanding.

Having a demanding personality is well.. I don't know how to put it in words but I know it may seem fine to demand something from someone, it is definitely not fun. Because, it will only make you look like a stubborn person. Demanding this, demanding that, making others feel bad, making others lose their temper just so you can have what you want. Its too much. I gave an obvious 'head shake' - a big no-no. What I've learned, "Majority wins", "Go with the flow", "compromise". Do not make unreasonable demand and do not resort to throwing tantrums when things do not go your way.

3. Stop complaining.

All these while I was wondering why she never said a word about anything. And now I finally knew, it wasn't because she nodded towards the wrongdoings of the younger ones, but because we have no rights to voice our opinions. She said "don't comment about others, next time it will be avenged on you". A simple sentence that means more than what it seems. What she said is true in the sense that, we have no say in what others do, we should not talk about others because who knows we might have behaved in a similar manner? In simple terms, stop bitching about others. Praise but not shame.

A good friend said, "don't change yourself for others. If they don't appreciate you for who you are, they don't deserve you as a friend." I agree to this, but then again, I am not changing for others, I am changing to be a better me. I do not want to live my life being a person that I, myself do not like to deal with. #Resolution2013

The Finish Line.

Do you see the finish line?

Can you see someone getting first place and someone standing last?

That's called competition.

People COMPETE.

People COMPARE.

Have you, in the N years that you have lived, competed for something and won? Or competed for something and lost? Or, compared yourself to another individual, ever?

Had a family gathering just now and the adults talked about the children and about the extended family. I realized that.. Wow. I am living in such a competitive family that never stops comparing. Adults talked about how their children are not as smart as their cousins of similar age, which I believe is a very common thing. My parents compared me to my cousin of the same age who is a million times smarter than I am, no joke. Now its my younger cousins who got into this comparing mess and I wish them all the best, like seriously. Life's not gonna be easy when parents get stressed because you don't understand a math question. 

I used to work under pressure. The more I compare, the harder I work. Competing and comparing was my motivation. I must say, without these silly sources of motivation, I would not be able study Pharmacy today. Because, I am a very very very lazy person. I had a choice, to study or to be the talk of the family when I failed to achieve what they expect of me. I had to start studying before I become the target of the younger siblings. It runs in the family, every child's target is to achieve similar or better results that the elder child, which in my case, I am the target for everyone. And I will not allow humiliation to come to me just because of that. My sister jokingly said to me a few years back, "Jie, don't get such good results for SPM, I cannot achieve it leh". It was a joke, but we know someone has to lose. My cousins were told to be like Han-jiejie (what my cousins call me), to study in the professional league, to be a doctor, a dentist a pharmacist or an engineer.

But then again,

No two genes are the same. Or should I say no two humans are the same. I gave up comparing some time ago because I finally got some sense in my head to understand that all these comparing shitz will never end. Now, I only compete against myself. As long as I am improving, how other people did, it does not matter. I don't want my life to evolve around other people and how they live their life. I can be envious, I may be jealous, but by the end of the day, I'm living my own life, I do my own thing. I want studying to be my source of knowledge instead of my eagerness in competing. I want life to slow down and let me have time to observe my surroundings instead of having eyes that are blinded by the foolishness from comparing.

Say no more, I live my life. :)

2012/2013

It has been a while since I last blogged I suppose. But I still wanna mention some of the awesome events that happened during the last 2 weeks :)

#1 Went back to Penang with the family during Christmas. We went around looking for the iconic murals and tasted all the good food! It was the first time in 19 years that I feel like a tourist in Penang. But the price? I've got a terrible tan all because the murals for being so darn far apart. But thanks to that, I realized that there is really a lot to see in Penang. Things that I've never noticed before.

#2 Met up with the 'table-mates' from the senior high days - Sze Chin, Soh Ling and Qiu Shuang :)) It has been a really long time since I last met any of them. Although we've always been in touch but it definitely feels great to finally see them in person :)

#3 Congratulations to the two nursing teams! The results were pretty shocking I have to admit but nonetheless we're all really proud of you guys :) Thank you for letting me train you guys and thank you for inviting me over for the celebration. All the best in your future trainings yea! :)

#4 Hao jiu bu jian! Le best St John mates during the Kwang Hua days. I find it awesome how we still have so much to crap after so long. We talked about the old school days, about how we're coping right now and whatever plans we have in stored for the future. Although it was just a simple lunch but I really had a great time with them :) Hope to meet up again soon! :D

#5 it started off as a simple gathering at Setia City Mall. But I guess we got bored and didnt know what to do at SCM and decided to go back to Taylor's to have a look. The feeling of being back there at SS15 was pretty cool. Haha! We went to visit Mrs. Hoe in her office. We talked a bit and the next thing we knew, we were being pulled into filming a video for Taylor's. Shocking. And I pretty much looked like crap in every shot -_- But then again, it surely was a good experience :) 

#6 3 really nice girls that I've only got to know towards the end of my year in Taylor's. We all changed a bit but thankfully we still have something to share with each other. I'm glad to be able to meet up with them this summer and hopefully we'll be able to meet up again before I go back! :)

#7 Hello Pig Nyee Huey! I've not talked to her for.. A year I suppose? She has definitely gotten thinner and cuter! xD It was a wonderful afternoon with them. We've never stopped crapping throughout the 3 hours in Witchery Ider :P Why lah you guys so cute?! Sitting at the same table laughing like mad women all the time! Haha! We must have one whole year's worth of meet-ups before I go back! :D

#8 Hello Pinks! (and also Swee Thian!). Thanks to Hui Gee who wanted to see the padi and Shao Qian who wanted to see the fishes, we practically walked the whole Bukit Cahaya in one day. My goodness! I salute our own determination. Not to mention it rained really heavily while we were walking to the orchards. Playing under the rain like little kids? And taking shade under the ruined pondok. Haha! Good times. Oh! And I managed to go up the Lookout Tower for the first time! The other day I couldn't master my courage to go up that high a structure. I just waited below for my friends, but these people, especially Shao Qian and Thuan Song made sure I reached the very top and took a picture. Cruel but awesome friends. Haha! By the end of the day, my feet were like jelly when I reached home. Tired like mad. But still, it was a good exercise trip with everyone. Thanks a bunch to Huey Khim for organising this outing! Tiring but definitely an enjoyable one! :D

#9 Hospital Attachment.

Decided to join St John's hospital attachment to learn some new stuff and life in the medical line. My first shift was a morning shift from 9am to 9pm, last Sunday. In the car, my friends were already scaring me about how tedious and sort-of disgusting cases that will happen on that day. Oh gawd, that instant regret and nauseous feeling that came to me was...urgh.. indescribable. There were not any cases on Sunday, mostly are just cases where the casualty is short of breath. But after a few rounds around dressing room, the yellow and red zones, I realized how weak the human body is. I saw people with stroke, people who recently had a kidney surgery, people who survived a severe car accident with 10+ stitches across the left lung. Not excessively gross but still, nobody wants to be in that position. Lying there, waiting for your turn to meet the doctor and you know lah, waiting may mean an hour or two if you are lucky, a day or two if you are not? Not to mention the coolness of the medics when they receive an emergency call. I would be full of frustration waiting for them if I'm the caller. Never knew that's how it works in the hospital. I thought they'd be fighting for time, or was it because they're immune with all these emergency cases..? I have no idea what should I expect when I'm going for my next shift. They said that there's more to learn at a night shift but then.. I cannot bear to see anyone suffer. When I see others suffer, my head will automatically start thinking that its happening to me instead of others. *shudders* Humans are really fragile beings. Please cherish life and live every moment to the fullest. Nobody knows what will happen in the next minute/hour/day.