The Finish Line.

Do you see the finish line?

Can you see someone getting first place and someone standing last?

That's called competition.

People COMPETE.

People COMPARE.

Have you, in the N years that you have lived, competed for something and won? Or competed for something and lost? Or, compared yourself to another individual, ever?

Had a family gathering just now and the adults talked about the children and about the extended family. I realized that.. Wow. I am living in such a competitive family that never stops comparing. Adults talked about how their children are not as smart as their cousins of similar age, which I believe is a very common thing. My parents compared me to my cousin of the same age who is a million times smarter than I am, no joke. Now its my younger cousins who got into this comparing mess and I wish them all the best, like seriously. Life's not gonna be easy when parents get stressed because you don't understand a math question. 

I used to work under pressure. The more I compare, the harder I work. Competing and comparing was my motivation. I must say, without these silly sources of motivation, I would not be able study Pharmacy today. Because, I am a very very very lazy person. I had a choice, to study or to be the talk of the family when I failed to achieve what they expect of me. I had to start studying before I become the target of the younger siblings. It runs in the family, every child's target is to achieve similar or better results that the elder child, which in my case, I am the target for everyone. And I will not allow humiliation to come to me just because of that. My sister jokingly said to me a few years back, "Jie, don't get such good results for SPM, I cannot achieve it leh". It was a joke, but we know someone has to lose. My cousins were told to be like Han-jiejie (what my cousins call me), to study in the professional league, to be a doctor, a dentist a pharmacist or an engineer.

But then again,

No two genes are the same. Or should I say no two humans are the same. I gave up comparing some time ago because I finally got some sense in my head to understand that all these comparing shitz will never end. Now, I only compete against myself. As long as I am improving, how other people did, it does not matter. I don't want my life to evolve around other people and how they live their life. I can be envious, I may be jealous, but by the end of the day, I'm living my own life, I do my own thing. I want studying to be my source of knowledge instead of my eagerness in competing. I want life to slow down and let me have time to observe my surroundings instead of having eyes that are blinded by the foolishness from comparing.

Say no more, I live my life. :)