End-break crisis.

My holidays end in.... three days. Five weeks ended, just like that. I did nothing really. Besides spending money, and more money. Wasting time, and more time. Tried job hunting, although not as aggressive as how I was last year but definitely more determined. Waiting for good news now I suppose..?

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一波未平，一波又起

爱莫能助

Help is needed. Too far away to be of any help to others. That shitty feeling to not be able to share the burden. The messages beeping like mad looking for someone who is free to run the errands. Either they're busy working or there're too far away to do anything, like me. I'm ever so free here and yet I couldn't contribute. How I wish I could be home now. 

Spend more time with your family always. Pay more attention to their needs. Don't be fooled by that one smile or that one "ok". Just press on and get the actual "No, I don't feel ok and I need help" reply.

Really. Cherish every moment.

* * *

Let me show you the kiddy side of me.

Here, I collect the minions too. Come and judge me.

I don't want them all, I just want some that are cuter and more special. Like the one in the photo above. Unlike Malaysia where you have to queue HOURS AND HOURS to get the minion, nobody cares about them here. Just go to McD, there will never be more than 3 people lining in front of me and even so, none of them wanted the toy. And at most of the McDonalds here, you don't need to buy a happy meal to get a toy. They sell it individually. So I am not feeding myself fast-food and I still get what I want. 

When I saw so many people scolding and criticizing those people who collect the minions, I was somewhat well... 对号入座 and felt kind of offended and didn't want to get them anymore. But then I realized, that wouldn't be me, right? I shouldn't change myself just because of what others say, unless its change for the betterment :)

* * *

It looks pretty disgusting, isn't it? All the green? It tastes really good though.

I am trying VERY HARD to eat clean. I've always wanted to change my lifestyle to a healthier one but its just very hard with all the negative thoughts and all the good food in front of me. And then, I saw all these people, most friends and people I know, setting a change in their lives and I feel more motivated to make a start. Pushing myself to exercise is easy, what's hard to control is my food cravings. It'll be very very slow, but I'm sure I will be able to do it eventually :)

Last year I used to buy biscuits, cheese spreads, nutella and all the sugary stuff. You can't eat what you didn't buy. So now, I stopped buying all of that. It is hard to not have anything to munch on. I'm always, always craving for something. I will still let myself off the hook sometimes to enjoy a little treat. Like the cake above - Mars Bars Cheesecake. Ok, maybe this treat is too much. Haha! I will balance it off somehow :)

One day, I'll be able to do it :)

Just wait!

Nothing much.

My unlimited internet is still not here yet! Well, it is here, but there is problem with the connection and it is not fixed yet. By the time I can freely surf the net, it would be time to start semester 2 already. :( *sighs* Hopefully the problem can be fixed early next week!

* * *

Thanks to NTEU, I received the results for only 2 of my units. The other 2.. 生死未卜 and one of the units is the unit that I was so ganjiong for. Honestly, I dont understand why they only ban some of the units. You should just ban it all! Then we wont have to face the horror of checking our results twice. As if feeling depressed once is not enough..

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I saw one of her photos taken today. She looks so weak now. And the pain never goes away. Honestly, it breaks my heart. She's suffering and I can't do anything to help her. Every time I called her, she would always tell me not to waste my money but I know it makes her happy. And despite being in pain, she still thought of me. When she was in Jakarta, she told her sister, "don't forget to buy the Converse shoes for Han, she needs them for her lab classes". I cried, for the fear of the unknown. Please stay strong, please be healthy and please, please, please wait for me. I know I still have a few years to go but please don't give up. Come and see me on my graduation day. I will make you proud :') I miss you, loads!

* * *

To my ever-so-understanding parents, thank you :') Thanks for understanding everything that I did and for encouraging me on. Last year, I find your complains about me not calling home very annoying. But this year, I would blame myself for not calling home more often. I miss you guys too :') One more semester and I'll be home!

* * *

Hmmm.. I guess that's all for now. Lol. Time to go to bed. Sand man, please come and make sure I'm asleep before leaving. Please make sure insomnia doesn't slip through my door. Thank you! And good night everyone :)

Crap.

Feeling like crap at the moment. I feel like everything is going against me today. So many stupid incidents. Ok, maybe not only today but these few days. I feel like a failed, failed, failed x infinity person. I am angry at myself for being annoyed and feeling like shit. And I have so many things that I have yet to bring myself to do after all this while. Which is even more depressing. What is wrong with me..?

When nothing goes right, go LEFT, they said. I really hope there is a "left" to go.

July.

A photo taken at the end of each month showing end of Summer, mid Autumn and Winter. Mid winter now. I am half way through my winter break already. Time stops for no one.

4th of July. The new apartment is finally available, not ready but available. Will be moving in tomorrow! I am kinda excited! Tomorrow's gonna be a busy dayyy! Haha! I hope everything goes well tomorrow! :D

All this while that I was waiting for the apartment, I was staying at a friend's studio apartment at College Square, Swanston St. Nash "borrowed" me her apartment while she is back in Sabah. Thank you, Nash! :DD College Square is such an awesome + strategic place. So close to food heaven (Lygon), close to supermarkets and walking distance to the city. The only downside, I can never afford the rent. Lol. Its more than twice of what I am paying at the moment. Oh well, at least I get to "try" it for a few days! Haha! Good enough!

The happy-go-lucky mood is on. Feeling blessed to have so many nice people around me. Always making me laugh and always, always helping me even though I have nothing to give. A huge thank you to these awesome people in my life. I cherish all this and I won't take things for granted :)