Those days.

Those few days in a month when I feel like dying the most. Imbalanced hormones making me laugh this minute, angry the next. And all in all, my personality is weirder than usual (as if my usual self wasn't weird enough).

Now, I feel so frustrated with myself. For being so stupid. For not being able to sit down and study for tomorrow's test. And then, the feeling of wanting to give up comes back to me. Telling me that this isn't what I want and that I should not suffer like this. I feel like an emotional wreck. Decided not to talk to anyone and be antisocial for today. Nobody deserves a bad treatment from me just because I feel like shit. I guess that's why I am here, to at least say something before I lose it. And I doubt anybody will read wordy blog posts.

I don't understand all this crap. I don't understand what is a nucleophilic attack. I don't understand why there are about 10 different graphs for one stupid equation. I don't understand why this molecule is more polar than the rest. I don't understand why I've already followed all the calculation steps and still got a wrong answer. I don't understand why I don't understand simple things like this! I really don't get it. I tried really hard to make it work but it is not. No matter how many times I read it, I still don't get it. And then I wonder if I am really that stupid. I doubt being stupid has anything to do with hormonal fluctuations and I am pretty sure that if this was any other normal day, I would still not understand what I'm studying at the moment. Just that maybe I won't be so mad at myself if its not a day when I am not being hit with cramps. But thank goodness all these last for only a day and not the entire week.

What cures frustration better than food? Stuffed myself with Rondoletti biscuits all night. I finished a whole tin of it. There goes my lead-a-healthier-life motto. I guess looking at photos is better than actually eating something. 

Stuff that I've eaten since 1st of March. I don't know why, but ever since I collaged them all last night, whenever I look at this particular photo it makes me feel better somehow. My roommate says that I've been eating too healthy at home, that's why I get all happy when I eat out. I guess she might be right. I can't find a single thing that is healthy in the picture except the green stuff. But of course, next to those green stuff is a huge serving of oils and fats. 

I've been up since 6.30am. Besides studying half-heartedly, I did nothing productive and accumulating hatred for my own sense of responsibility towards my studies. Its 3.30pm now. *sighs* I guess I should give studying another try. Stupid test tomorrow. Fingers crossed hoping that I can actually answer half of it all.