.

再忙也好我觉得握有必要告诉你们我还活着！

活得好好的！ : )

My life now evolves around study, work, eat and sleep.

This week is a very busy week. So many classes and so many assignments which are due this week. Next week is so much easier and less stress because there's only one test and no class on Thursday and Friday! I can't wait really :)

Ok, should get back to studying now. I must do better!

“时间过得真快。。。

。。。转眼又来到了课外活动的一天。 这个星期六又课外活动，谢谢！”

Lol.

That was what my primary school's "副校长" will say every second Monday during the assembly. Never changed, not even once throughout the years he was in charge of the co-curriculum. Haha! Memories, memories :P

But yea, TIME, WHY SO FAST? Okla, time only passes really fast when I am out of the lecture hall. When I am in the lectures, time is crawling like a snail. My attention span is really short, like 5 minutes only. I can only pay attention when lecturers introduce the lecture, after that, I enter my "wander"land. Sien ahhh!

I think my dad bought my ticket back home. It is definitely something to look forward to :) It won't be that long, since half the semester is almost gone already. Half a semester nearer to the final exams! CRIES! I miss the people back home. They have been strong. They have been fighting hard. I wish I was there.

To end this post, here's a video. Production of Pink Pte Ltd! *APPLAUSE!*
ShaoQian wrote the lyrics when we were two weeks away from our final exams. He showed me the lyrics and I nagged him for wasting time on such silly things. Who knew he said he wanted to make a video out of it, I responded "I confirm support you. Go study lah!" manatau he got better results than me and really did make a video out of it towards the end of our winter break. Lol. *nofaceliao*
***
The beginning was kinda lame but the second half was quite touching in the sense that it was part of everyone's memories together. Really, I know I will never meet anyone like them ever again in my life. The Pinks (used to be Yellows - we changed shirts! LOL!!) are the people whom I shared my ups and downs with in St John. We tease each other, we curse each other, but at the end of the day, we all laugh together. We're all walking different paths now but I guess, what's most important is that we all shared the same memories. The best memories in our high school life :) Miss you guys a real lot!

Lazy Sunday.

Felt so full/uncomfortable (probably indigestion -___-) after coming home from a friend's house. I caught the last tram of the night (at 1.23am) home from the city and had slept at 5am because I was feeling thaaaaat uncomfortable. I should ALWAYS remember this feeling and remind myself how bad it felt after overeating. 

Woke up, diligent cells weren't working so RunningMan dominated my afternoon. I must say this, Kim Jongkook is so useless when it comes to football. So much for his muscles. Mehh..

Wanted to cook zucchini soup but the rice cakes in the fridge caught my eye. Lol! So.... Mission of the day:

Voila! Ddeokbokki a success yo! *proud face!* The actual colour is redder than the picture but not red/hot enough. Didn't add enough chilli pepper powder. But I'm still satisfied :D Hahaha!

My best one hour spent for today. ♥

I love my unlimited internet! Haha! Can finally Skype without borders! Miss them so much! Everyone at home is so stressed lately. I'm glad that they could finally find time to talk to me :)

I think everything should be almost back to normal now. I hope everything is ok now :)

I'll be very useless if I sleep now, right? :( Maybe I should at least read through a few pages of my lecture notes. An early good night to everyone :)

Nothing much.

My unlimited internet is still not here yet! Well, it is here, but there is problem with the connection and it is not fixed yet. By the time I can freely surf the net, it would be time to start semester 2 already. :( *sighs* Hopefully the problem can be fixed early next week!

* * *

Thanks to NTEU, I received the results for only 2 of my units. The other 2.. 生死未卜 and one of the units is the unit that I was so ganjiong for. Honestly, I dont understand why they only ban some of the units. You should just ban it all! Then we wont have to face the horror of checking our results twice. As if feeling depressed once is not enough..

* * *

I saw one of her photos taken today. She looks so weak now. And the pain never goes away. Honestly, it breaks my heart. She's suffering and I can't do anything to help her. Every time I called her, she would always tell me not to waste my money but I know it makes her happy. And despite being in pain, she still thought of me. When she was in Jakarta, she told her sister, "don't forget to buy the Converse shoes for Han, she needs them for her lab classes". I cried, for the fear of the unknown. Please stay strong, please be healthy and please, please, please wait for me. I know I still have a few years to go but please don't give up. Come and see me on my graduation day. I will make you proud :') I miss you, loads!

* * *

To my ever-so-understanding parents, thank you :') Thanks for understanding everything that I did and for encouraging me on. Last year, I find your complains about me not calling home very annoying. But this year, I would blame myself for not calling home more often. I miss you guys too :') One more semester and I'll be home!

* * *

Hmmm.. I guess that's all for now. Lol. Time to go to bed. Sand man, please come and make sure I'm asleep before leaving. Please make sure insomnia doesn't slip through my door. Thank you! And good night everyone :)

Post-exams.

This is so damn true. We study almost the same things but then in the end, pharmacists are not recognised as health care professionals and people prefer to listen to a doctor than  pharmacist. This is life.

Saying goodbye to all these alarms. In the beginning, I normally wake up at the first alarm but towards the third week, I fall back asleep and wake up to the second or the third. It is just too much stress! Had alarms like this for 3 weeks in a row. Say good-bye to alarms like this for at least 2-3 months!

Right after the exams ended, my expenses sky-rocketed. Was going out and enjoying the start of my winter break. And was busy finding a new apartment. That awesome moment when I've finally signed the contract! :D But then again, it means I have to spend more money now because the new place is not furnished. My new room is empty. I need to get at least a bed, a desk, a study lamp and a chair. Just these 4 things would cost me $500 already. I see the precious pocket's red flames of death. And that's just for my room D: And I have yet to start packing my stuff. Have to vacate this house this weekend. Excited to live in the new place but also a little sad to leave this nice house! I am definitely gonna miss this 3 storey house!

Came down with a cold today. I must admit I haven't been taking good care of myself since the exams ended. So I'm feeling so crappy right now. 1 degree outside is cold already and I'm feeling as if I am naked in the north pole. Damn cold. Really hope I get better soon. So much to do these few days! I should also bring myself to hunt for jobs and hopefully I can get one this winter!!

Anyways, Happy Holidays! :)

Easy Peasy.

Its 5.20am now and I am up just to study. It took me a hell load of effort to actually wake up an hour ago. But I know I'd regret if I let myself fall back to sleep. No more time! No more precious time! Time, you are too fast!

My motivation:

Where did these came from?

Those health and fitness pages on Facebook. I find that it does not only relates to health and fitness but to almost everything we ever set out to do in our lives. All we have to do, is to do it. Dream it, do it, achieve it.

P/s. If you are sleepy in the wee hours of dawn, down one cup of colder-than-room-temperature water and you'll be wide awake. I do that every morning, it works :)

Good luck to everyone who's having their finals soon!

2245.

This is how I feel for the past few tests that I had. After studying like a cow for days, I still get 3.2/5. Another C. Sometimes I really wonder why should I study that hard when the results will still be so bad.

Anyways, 2245 is the current time. Had a really long day attending tutorials and mock tests. Classes ended late, 5pm and I literally ran home to cook dinner because its my turn today. Did a few past year questions after dinner and  now I am too tired to focus on my studies and it is too early to go to sleep. So I figure I'd pop in.

* * *

Before I forget to count my blessings, here's one thing I'm grateful for.

I have a friend. Full of surprises. Being nice, too nice. Helpful and.... Crazy? xD Honestly I'm really grateful for having awesome people like you in my life. Really. I don't know what else to say besides "thank you" :)

* * *

Randomly told my housemates that I sleep for 8 hours everyday. They got the shock of their lives. Ting Yuen says that he has only 5-6 hours of sleep, max. Jiun Kai said his was 6 hours, or 7 hours max. Then I start feeling guilty. People studying like mad and I'm sleeping. Lol. 

Okays. Maybe I should really go and sleep now so I can wake up earlier to study! Must chiong ah! My future really depends on this!!

Love me not.

The weather was really nice.. NOT. Loved me so much eh? The moment I left the house, the rain started pouring before I had time to even open my umbrella. But then again, umbrellas are useless in Melbourne. Because the wind is so damn strong the umbrella might just break into two. No, it doesn't even terbalik, it just breaks. So in the end, I walked in the pouring rain with strong winds pushing me back every step I take. Once I reached the tram stop and got up the tram, it started drizzling. Just... nice. Then, after an hour, when its time to go home, I left Monash, got up the tram, it freaking started pouring again! Depressing xia. And it was already a 15 degrees cold evening (real feel was 12 degrees). Meh.. I felt so kesian, only wearing a paper-thin-waterproof (thank goodness its waterproof!) parka, freezing cold and running in the pouring rain in a blurred vision. And again, thank goodness I didnt kena langgar by those cars. I couldn't even see them and I doubt they can see me -____- DRENCHED hair down. Felt like I went for a cold shower in my clothes. Housemates laughed like mad when they saw me. They no nice! Lol. But anyways, I guess its a good way to get rid of all the stress :)

Had my first test of the year today. Written lah, had one online quiz few weeks ago but I don't think that counts because it is actually OK to discuss the answers. Heh. So yes, a written test for Biochemistry. Materials for 17 lectures. I went MAD. To be honest, I don't think I studied that hard for last year's finals. I guess I just came to realize that if I don't help myself, I'll be doomed. I studied like crazy, sat at my desk, studied for about 40 mins, rest for 10 mins, repeated the cycle for at least 6-7 times. And I still don't feel prepared for it. And yes, it turns out I really wasn't prepared because I couldn't answer a few of the questions.

Notes on the left are identical to notes on the right. Spent two days writing notes on those 17 lectures and realized that the super messy papers I wrote on the left was much more useful. It was so hard to find the things I want from 15 neat pages of paper but was easy to get what I want from messy 2 pages of paper. Btw, the ones on the left, were all memorized. I dictated them all. Of course I took to understanding them as well lah :D Now, for the next test, Cell Function. This, I have no idea how to study for this. *cries* I only have four days! D: Oh yea! Thank you to the person, or maybe computer, who arranged my timetable this semester. I don't have compulsory classes on the day before my test! More time to prepare, I suppose xD

I guess that's all for today. Need to start studying for tomorrow's 6 hours practical class. 6 long hours in the lab! D: *sighs*

Until next time :)

Hope. Less.

That feeling I get when I can't get myself to do something I want to do. Especially when it comes to studying. Getting lazier and lazier. Huge sigh for my laziness.

Haven't been active here lately because... I've been watching dramas and had a food poisoning issue. Dramas, it was easy to control myself at first, but when the climax hit, mygawd, I just HAD to finish the whole series before I stop -____- And yes, had a food poisoning issue for two days. Feel like I was gonna die of frustration but on a brighter note, I'm thankful that it happened this week instead of next week when I'm having my tests.

Heard this song while I was roaming through youtube vids - Here's to Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne. I don't know how this song got stuck in my head right after I heard it for the first time. Haha! 

Time to start another lecture recording. Sien. Till next time! :)

P/s. Melbourne is now 2 hours faster than Malaysia time. Daylight savings started the other day. Supposed to have an extra hour to sleep but I ended up waking up at 6am because I couldn't sleep -,-

37.

That's today's temperature here in Melbourne if you're wondering. Have to worry about what I wear everyday because wearing t-shirts and shorts is hot much! -,- Still can sweat as if I just came out from the bath.Also, its too hot to do anything. Its too hot to study and its too early to cook dinner so I shall post random nonsense here. Lol.

1. Proven point - I can study when its cool/cold. Went early to uni today just to attend the morning lectures only to realize that all of them were cancelled. So I had 3 hours to spare before my afternoon classes. To be honest, those were the most productive 3 hours so far. The library was so chilly that it feels just nice to study. *happy face* I shall stay back at uni more often. Anything is better than the heat at home. I'm roasting here!

2. Classes are getting more and more intense. Had 6 hours of lab work yesterday, when I came back, I feel like I could sleep any moment. My brain has been drained of its juices. Andddd... Classes are getting more and more boring. Its only the second week and yet I cannot understand anything that I am studying. Did an experiment yesterday about immunotechniques, we're supposed to write a 5-paged lab report on it but I don't understand anything of what I did yesterday. Research research - more work. 

3. I guess its time to go cook? Lol. I want early dinners but I think the boys prefer late dinners. Whatever, my turn to cook, I decide! Haha!

*random nonsense ends here. thankyouberrymuchforyour2minutesreadingthis*

Desert-Hot.

Can you see the thermometer beside the sun on Tuesday and Wednesday? Even the app feels that this is too much. Lol. I got really really tan lately. *sighs* Hopefully the weather cools down really soon. I don't wanna sweat right after a shower everyday -____-

* * *

Its pretty hard to sell my old textbooks. I was pretty foolish to buy the whole set last year. I didn't even use all of them. Only 5/8 books were really useful. And the price for the books, Idk which is considered too little and which is high. In the end, I realized mine was quite cheap. *rugi business - sien*

Anyway, my first year chemistry textbook costs $130 for a new one, I am selling for $80 (I bought it at $80 last year). And a friend just told me that in Malaysia, the book costs only RM80. Major LOL. Like wert?! Since that book is on demand, next year, can I buy like 5 of that book (weighs maybe 10kg?) from Malaysia and bring it back here and make a profit out of them all! -____-

* * *

First week of uni is OVER! My Flyday came early this week. Only three days worth of classes this week. Awesomeness! But I guess I can't say the same for the next 11 weeks of the semester. I sense a tough semester ahead! I've been back here for like 6 days but I feel like I've been back here for months already. Time is passing too slowwwwww! 

I guess the heat is getting on me. Better stop before I start typing more crap. Ciao!

Four.

The packing never ends. The more I pack, the more things I have. Packing, is annoying.

I did a whole load today. 

1. Washed/wiped/whatever you call it my shoes before packing. Why? Because I hate to pack dirty things! Even if they're nicely wrapped, I'd still say "yucks". 

2.Cleared my closet. As of today, please don't laugh whenever you see me because I'm wearing clothes that I won't be bringing back. So.. Polo tees/old shirts/school shirts maybe? Lol.

3. And I was silly enough to sort my clothes on my dear bed. Now, I don't know where should I sleep tonight. Luggage No.1 is already 90% full and can't accommodate my clothes. Luggage No.2 is not ready yet. Should I throw everything back into my closet? -____-

4. Vacuum-packed all the winter clothes. (Some advice, don't buy Daiso's vacuum pack because its cheap, it's so hard to suck all the air out. You'd need two people to do the work. The other ones I bought last year from Parkson were so easy to handle. I can even do it with one hand!) Ohmygawd. It was such a huge load, I think I'll be warm throughout winter thankyouverymuch. Owe it to my parents for willing to spend so much money on my winter wear :))

What else did I do? I spent the whole day packing but I only did all these? Oh wait, 5. I spent half the day searching for 2 sim cards, my house key, locker key, bicycle-lock key and a bunch of locks. Lol. I thought I lost them all. Thank goodness I found them all. Especially the sim cards and the house key.

Four more days.

Last year, I was excited because my memory of Melbourne wasn't really clear and I've finally achieved my dream of studying overseas. I was really excited about the freedom and those sort of thing actually. But of course, I was sad to leave home and all.

This year, I don't really know how to describe how I feel. Over the last year, I got closer with my besties, simply because distance makes the heart grows fonder! LOL! Haha! Jkjk. But we write each other letters, whatsapp each other everyday and despite the distance, I can still call home/call my friends any time thanks to Lebara. And my family, despite the fights we had, I'm glad I have them. I've seen the more loveable side of them and also learned to appreciate them more. Overall, it's just harder for me to leave them this year because I know how long the wait will be and I'll be coming back only in January 2014, which is longer than my 9 months aboard last year. BUT! I am looking forward to go back to Melb too! I miss my life there! Not as much pollution and less drama for sure. I know I am crazy to say this, but I miss studying. I have been so lifeless this summer, I want to study and do something with my life! Because there weren't any tests, I couldn't get myself to pick up a single book! -____- Holidays shall be holidays.

I guess I still hate to say goodbye.

I'm gonna miss everyone so badly.

Monday blues? Yea, I guess it's hitting on me already. My semester starts next Monday! :(

Chopped.

Went to chop inches off my hair before I go back to Aussieland. I know, I know, it looks like there's not much difference in the length, but if you ever see me in person, you'd know what I mean. I feel like a teenager that finally got to grow my hair after graduating from primary school. Like seriously. To me, its like.. A Broom. A friggin' broom. And the fringe, worse. I decided to chop off the fringe as well and now... Whenever I wear my specs, I look exactly the same as when I was in Form 4. Lol. Even more kiddo-ish. *pulls face*

Hopefully I'll get used to this really soon. Or should I say, please grow faster so I look more normal! After all, I am not gonna get a cut until I come back next summer. Lol.

This was a random post, I know.

So I shall not waste any more of your time reading this. Good night! :D

Summer Pain.

Ok, so it's obvious isn't it, about what I wanna say today. Lol.

After 2 months in Malaysia, I stood on a weighing scale for fun, and saw a few kilo decrease in my weight. Sure sounds like a good thing isn't it? But I know its not. Because, when muscles become fats, then, weight is lost. So.. That's what happened to me.

I am now in between sizes instead of an exact size. How to buy clothes now? D: I wonder if I can even fit into all the winter clothings that I bought in December since I got rounder and rounder by day. I guess T-shirts were meant to be my best friends, they are the only clothes I can fit in properly without any damage done to my self-esteem.

Sometimes I really do look forward to go back to Melb because I can jog everyday for as long as I want to. And I can control what I eat - I don't mean skipping meals but at least control the carbs and stuff. Here, I can't jog near my house thanks to all the stray dogs and all the people on motorbikes. And I can't control the food I eat because I can't decide what I eat, I eat what is given to me. I can't say No to Malaysian food can I? 

I keep telling myself I'd do it right when I go back to Melb. I really hope I do. I've never noticed what an unhealthy lifestyle I've been leading until I came back this summer. I'm definitely healthier in Melb because I know I must not fall sick, I must always be healthy. Here, Idk why, that thought never seem to exist. I just eat whatever, whenever.

My promise to myself for when I go back to Melb, even if it's not because of the size, I want to live a healthier live. Exercise more, have a cleaner diet and proper rest. I no longer want to screw my sleeping hours, I want proper sleep (while it lasts)!

A healthier lifestyle! #Resolution2013 :)

Last of the First.

31.1.13

The last day of the first month of 2013.

Can you believe it? A month came and went just like that. I personally felt like only a week had passed. Hehh. Sorry, I couldn't help repeating N times that time's passing too fast. Somehow I just don't feel like going back to Aussieland so soon.

January 2013.

I must say, it has been a really great month considering all the consequences and stuff. I had a really great time and it was a great start for this awesome year. After all, January IS my favourite month of the year. Haha! I hope the remaining 11 months of 2013 will treat me just as well :D

Hey, February, be nice, ok? Because March is gonna be such a pain for I have to study for 9 months again. Please let it be another awesome month! :)

Hope January has been well for everyone and also, hopefully February will be even better! :D

2012/2013

It has been a while since I last blogged I suppose. But I still wanna mention some of the awesome events that happened during the last 2 weeks :)

#1 Went back to Penang with the family during Christmas. We went around looking for the iconic murals and tasted all the good food! It was the first time in 19 years that I feel like a tourist in Penang. But the price? I've got a terrible tan all because the murals for being so darn far apart. But thanks to that, I realized that there is really a lot to see in Penang. Things that I've never noticed before.

#2 Met up with the 'table-mates' from the senior high days - Sze Chin, Soh Ling and Qiu Shuang :)) It has been a really long time since I last met any of them. Although we've always been in touch but it definitely feels great to finally see them in person :)

#3 Congratulations to the two nursing teams! The results were pretty shocking I have to admit but nonetheless we're all really proud of you guys :) Thank you for letting me train you guys and thank you for inviting me over for the celebration. All the best in your future trainings yea! :)

#4 Hao jiu bu jian! Le best St John mates during the Kwang Hua days. I find it awesome how we still have so much to crap after so long. We talked about the old school days, about how we're coping right now and whatever plans we have in stored for the future. Although it was just a simple lunch but I really had a great time with them :) Hope to meet up again soon! :D

#5 it started off as a simple gathering at Setia City Mall. But I guess we got bored and didnt know what to do at SCM and decided to go back to Taylor's to have a look. The feeling of being back there at SS15 was pretty cool. Haha! We went to visit Mrs. Hoe in her office. We talked a bit and the next thing we knew, we were being pulled into filming a video for Taylor's. Shocking. And I pretty much looked like crap in every shot -_- But then again, it surely was a good experience :) 

#6 3 really nice girls that I've only got to know towards the end of my year in Taylor's. We all changed a bit but thankfully we still have something to share with each other. I'm glad to be able to meet up with them this summer and hopefully we'll be able to meet up again before I go back! :)

#7 Hello Pig Nyee Huey! I've not talked to her for.. A year I suppose? She has definitely gotten thinner and cuter! xD It was a wonderful afternoon with them. We've never stopped crapping throughout the 3 hours in Witchery Ider :P Why lah you guys so cute?! Sitting at the same table laughing like mad women all the time! Haha! We must have one whole year's worth of meet-ups before I go back! :D

#8 Hello Pinks! (and also Swee Thian!). Thanks to Hui Gee who wanted to see the padi and Shao Qian who wanted to see the fishes, we practically walked the whole Bukit Cahaya in one day. My goodness! I salute our own determination. Not to mention it rained really heavily while we were walking to the orchards. Playing under the rain like little kids? And taking shade under the ruined pondok. Haha! Good times. Oh! And I managed to go up the Lookout Tower for the first time! The other day I couldn't master my courage to go up that high a structure. I just waited below for my friends, but these people, especially Shao Qian and Thuan Song made sure I reached the very top and took a picture. Cruel but awesome friends. Haha! By the end of the day, my feet were like jelly when I reached home. Tired like mad. But still, it was a good exercise trip with everyone. Thanks a bunch to Huey Khim for organising this outing! Tiring but definitely an enjoyable one! :D

#9 Hospital Attachment.

Decided to join St John's hospital attachment to learn some new stuff and life in the medical line. My first shift was a morning shift from 9am to 9pm, last Sunday. In the car, my friends were already scaring me about how tedious and sort-of disgusting cases that will happen on that day. Oh gawd, that instant regret and nauseous feeling that came to me was...urgh.. indescribable. There were not any cases on Sunday, mostly are just cases where the casualty is short of breath. But after a few rounds around dressing room, the yellow and red zones, I realized how weak the human body is. I saw people with stroke, people who recently had a kidney surgery, people who survived a severe car accident with 10+ stitches across the left lung. Not excessively gross but still, nobody wants to be in that position. Lying there, waiting for your turn to meet the doctor and you know lah, waiting may mean an hour or two if you are lucky, a day or two if you are not? Not to mention the coolness of the medics when they receive an emergency call. I would be full of frustration waiting for them if I'm the caller. Never knew that's how it works in the hospital. I thought they'd be fighting for time, or was it because they're immune with all these emergency cases..? I have no idea what should I expect when I'm going for my next shift. They said that there's more to learn at a night shift but then.. I cannot bear to see anyone suffer. When I see others suffer, my head will automatically start thinking that its happening to me instead of others. *shudders* Humans are really fragile beings. Please cherish life and live every moment to the fullest. Nobody knows what will happen in the next minute/hour/day. 

I tried.

I tried. I wasn't good enough.

Everyone said passing is good enough. Yes, passing is good enough to move on to second year but deep inside, I don't want to get only a pass. I want either Ds or HDs. I don't want a shitty C either. I guess I will start with the "I-will-work-harder-next-semester" quotation again.

* * *

I'm not trying to impress anyone nor am I trying to be a show-off. I just want to make use of my time. I am trying to help because I would rather do that than to rot at home. I'm not who I used to be in this matter. You can judge me, I give no shit, but only I know what's really happening, not you.

* * *

I used to be the only one among my friends and family (girls) that's not afraid to step out under the hot sun for hours. Because at that time, I knew I'd never get fair and I'll only get tanner. But now that I've seen a fairer version of myself, I am no longer willing to stand under the uber hot sun at all. Now I get why my friends never liked the sun. Haha!

* * *

Now I'm bored like crap but when its January, you'll hardly see me saying I'm bored. I don't think I'd say that word at all for the month of January. I don't even know why there's so plans. Last minute plans? Crap. My timetable is just a mess.

* * *

Just some random thoughts from my not-really-functioning mind. Good night!

Fried.

I shall say that a few more times because I am currently in deep shit.

Random confession of the day:

My second paper is on the 6th of November. Until TODAY, right now, I have NO IDEA what is that subject talking about. I have not started studying that subject at all. I spent too much time on other units I've totally neglected this unit. To be honest, I don't even know how many topics are there in this unit because I've not attended a single class for this unit as of September. *major whoops!*

This is my first time being in a situation like this. Where I am not anxious at all even when I have no idea what is in the exam. I wonder if a miracle can happen in these 4 days. Because today, I am still studying for my 3rd paper instead of the 2nd. I wonder why I am treating my 2nd paper like this. I wonder if I'm out of my mind. I guess that if I want to PASS that unit, I'd have to be extra diligent these few days. If not, I can only say "Zhi Han, you deserve failing this". Wonder how it feels like failing a paper? 

 I should really give it my best shot :/

Here and There.

Was looking around the "Keep Calm" photos and came across this. And to think about it.. I haven't been eating properly since the start of SwotVac. I take 2 meals a day instead of 3. Still, I am taking my fruits and vegs. Haha! Shall treat myself to better food when I go back :D

I remembered saying Hello October only a while ago and now its November already. I'm amazed. 7 months and 2 weeks passed just like that. My days left in Melbourne are numbered. Exactly 20 more days. Can anything be more exciting than this? Haha! I seriously can't wait to go home :)

I wonder how's everyone there. I wonder if my little cousin brother can still recognise me after so many months. I wonder if anything has changed in my aunt's house. I wonder if my parents' TV routine is still the same. I wonder if I can still drive?! I miss driving a serious lot. Because it is when I am behind the wheels that I feel free :)

Sister's having her SPM in 5 days. My next paper is in 6 days. She seems pretty worried about her SPM and I couldnt be of much help since I am not home. I wonder how's she's really coping since she only ever says "Die liao lah" when I ask her about it -____-

Oh well, I should properly start studying for my next paper too eh? Before I become the one who has to say "die liao lah". I am diligently trying to find my interest in Chemistry. I think I lost it on my way here.

Lost.

As time passes, things change, people change.

I know the day for me to change out of that would come but I didn't expect it to be so soon. Now, I can finally say - I don't give a shit. And when I think about what I did all those years, sacrificing this and that, I wouldn't say it was worth it, I wouldn't say it's not, I'd say it made me grow :)

That lost interest.

Back then, I couldn't stand being nobody. I couldn't stand being mistreated. I stood up for this, I stood up for that. I've put in so much effort for so many things but obviously I didn't achieve much and was worried about all those stupid achievements. Today, I can say that those stuff don't bother me any more. I can finally say "I don't care".

People put in effort for a reason. I used to have a motive. Well, I still have one now but I must say, the current one is totally different from the one I used to have. This one is more practical. This one can actually guarantee my future (if I work hard enough for my Pharmacy degree that is). 

I have nothing for you. I wasn't good enough. Because I never led a winning team and because we were problematic. You have that written all over your face when I lost everything, all of your expectation. I've given it all. I do not need you to recognize me. I do not need you to give me anything in return. I just want to blend in. You can pretend I've never existed, it matters no more. You can say I'm an idiot and laugh at me, I care no more. Just let me be there, just let me blend in with all the other people and let me stay there until I'm done. Everything else - I don't give a shit.

Just a few years. All I need is just a few pieces of paper :)