对不起，我玩不起

I finally cried. After keeping it in for so long I finally cried.

I cannot play games like this. I can face any challenge, be depressed and forget about it but I cannot face this. Don't take away someone who is so dear to me. At least not now. Give everyone a few more years, please? I cannot do this. I just can't. Thank you to those who told me to be strong but I'm sorry, I admit I can't be strong at times like this. Every line in the conservation is stabbing right through my heart. The pain is unbearable. 

It is scary to know how so much can change within a few months time. Please tell me its not time yet. Please tell me there's still months left. Please don't say its weeks. Please say its months or better, please let it be years. I don't want to say goodbye. Not just yet. 

I know this is not something we can control. But I still hope it won't end like this. Please wait for me to go home. Please, just please, at least wait until summer. I beg You. Please don't take her away. Not yet.

Please be with me. Don't force me to grow up this way. I am not ready.

Please don't give up the fight.

You can't lose, because we can't lose you.
I cannot bear the pain of losing you.

I miss you so so so much!

I wish you can hear me now, I want to tell you I love you.

Always have and always will. 

:(

Ok, I emo liaoooo. 

My uncle and his family flew back to Malaysia last Saturday. NOBODY KNEW. Like seriously nobody knew that until they pressed the door bell of the house in Klang. ERMAHGERD! I super emo liao. Why didn't they bring me alongggg? I dont mind travelling in the luggage! Lol! Ok, no, I should say, why don't my parents do that to me huh?! I wake up one fine morning, somebody came and rang the door bell, I open the door and see my friends/family standing outside my door.... and I will probably screaaaaaammmmmm of joy and excitement! Lol! Surprise surprise!

Ok, I know I'm just being crazy. I just finished 2 tests and I'm half dead. But even with my half asleep body, I still managed to clean the toilet, kitchen and my room and also changed my linens. I feel like a pro. Lol. But  I feeling even more tired now and I have to go to work in 2 hours.

Its week 8 now. I am hmmm... 7 months closer to home then when I just got here on the 1st of March. Haha! Melbourne has been nice to me so far, its just the studying that's killing me. But then again, if I don't study, it's pretty lifeless too. That's how humans are, we complain about every single thing! I'm really looking forward to summer. Can't wait to meet everyone back home :)

* * *

On a sadder note, humans are so fragile beings. Leaving can be so easy. A person I knew passed on a few days ago. And it left me feeling sad for his family that he left behind. Although I have never been close but the fact he left is really hard to accept. Its just too sudden. I guess it just proves how each and everyone of us should cherish life and treasure the present.

Be strong, they say.
I'll say, be yourself.

Fight for what you think is worth the struggle :)

Be Positive.

I just had the most challenging week of my life. I had family matters to attend to, I had tests and assignments due and so many other things. The challenge started last Friday when my cousin Joshua (I still prefer to call him Kah Meng) and his mum (my aunt) came to Melbourne for a trip. Met up with them right after my morning class and went around Melbourne until the night greeted us. And within the week that they were here, we met up quite a few times and had quite some laughs. Feels like the good old days when he used to be my closest cousin. We used to talk on the phone for hours when he was at Perth about...8 years back. Lol. But we drifted apart ever since I started high school. Still, we (Hsuen, Kah Meng and I) always look forward to our movie outings in Penang every CNY! :) Anyways, I'm really glad they came. I hoped they enjoyed Melbourne just as much as how I loved living here as a student!

Thanks for the mooncake delivery! :D

Told my parents to get me a few mooncakes, manatau they got me four of the same flavour. Aiyoh! All lotus seed -_- Mooncakes with egg yolks won't be able to cross the immigration so I told them to get some special flavours that don't have the yolks, but still! FOUR Lotus Seeds. Lol. Okla, still, thank you! It is definitely better than nothing :D

Saturday. I spent my Saturday at my cousin sister, Rey's birthday party... As a face-painter for ALL the kids that came. Rey's the girl on the right. So yea, I drew those. I have no idea why there is a splat of black on her forehead, it is NOT a failed attempt at drawing a bird. My seagulls are really nice and elegant as you can see! :P I had a busy day drawing all sorts of face paintings for the kids. I was really glad that the kids liked them or else I'd be so embarrassed. Although I sort of wasted a study day, I am still glad because well.. Its a totally new experience. Not everyone gets to be a face-painter for the day!

Tests and assignments. Study life. Student life. Its always filled with these anyways, aren't they? More tests next week. How "awesome" I know. I know I am sick of studying but at the same time I am also aware that if I don't study hard now, I am going to regret it sooner or later!

Work. This time I'll change a line. I have plans on spending my hard-earned money now! Lol. But aiyoh, like not enough leh. At first it was just one, now have to buy two. What to do? Some people are just so demanding *gives the -,-" face* Now I understand how it feels to spend that hard-earn money. The heartache yes, but I guess it will be worth it :)

Okla, study time :) Have been really positive these few days. I hope I can keep this up!

A race against myself.

They say you are the enemy to yourself. Because, nobody else knows how much you want it, nobody else knows how far you are willing to go for your dreams. Only you know that, and only you stand between you and your dreams. Everything else is just some random obstacles that you will face along the route to your future.

I am having a race against myself, a race against time, a race against who I want to be.

- this is my calculator cover, if you are wondering -

At first I thought that it was because I am working now, that's why I feel the need to race against time for every single thing but I guess that might not be the case as most of my friends who are not working are also facing the same situation.

I don't know how much I want this, I don't know how far I can go but I will go as far as I can. People kept telling me to quit my job because I am starting to get really stressed. But the fact is, if I quit now, I have 20 hours extra to slack every week. What is the point? I know myself well when it comes to slacking. I need something to push me on. I need to feel the stress to keep going.

I need to do better.

I need the family to know that they can have one less person to worry about.

Life has always been a race, isn't it?

And we should not stop fighting.

* * *

The rich and the poor.

强

陈姿含，你这也太强了吧？！

有人比你还失败吗？！

One of the worst nights in my student life.

I am in such deeeeeeeeep shit.

Stressed.

Really stressed.

I can't sleep.

Idk what to expect tomorrow.

Please don't fail me!

.

再忙也好我觉得握有必要告诉你们我还活着！

活得好好的！ : )

My life now evolves around study, work, eat and sleep.

This week is a very busy week. So many classes and so many assignments which are due this week. Next week is so much easier and less stress because there's only one test and no class on Thursday and Friday! I can't wait really :)

Ok, should get back to studying now. I must do better!

“时间过得真快。。。

。。。转眼又来到了课外活动的一天。 这个星期六又课外活动，谢谢！”

Lol.

That was what my primary school's "副校长" will say every second Monday during the assembly. Never changed, not even once throughout the years he was in charge of the co-curriculum. Haha! Memories, memories :P

But yea, TIME, WHY SO FAST? Okla, time only passes really fast when I am out of the lecture hall. When I am in the lectures, time is crawling like a snail. My attention span is really short, like 5 minutes only. I can only pay attention when lecturers introduce the lecture, after that, I enter my "wander"land. Sien ahhh!

I think my dad bought my ticket back home. It is definitely something to look forward to :) It won't be that long, since half the semester is almost gone already. Half a semester nearer to the final exams! CRIES! I miss the people back home. They have been strong. They have been fighting hard. I wish I was there.

To end this post, here's a video. Production of Pink Pte Ltd! *APPLAUSE!*
ShaoQian wrote the lyrics when we were two weeks away from our final exams. He showed me the lyrics and I nagged him for wasting time on such silly things. Who knew he said he wanted to make a video out of it, I responded "I confirm support you. Go study lah!" manatau he got better results than me and really did make a video out of it towards the end of our winter break. Lol. *nofaceliao*
***
The beginning was kinda lame but the second half was quite touching in the sense that it was part of everyone's memories together. Really, I know I will never meet anyone like them ever again in my life. The Pinks (used to be Yellows - we changed shirts! LOL!!) are the people whom I shared my ups and downs with in St John. We tease each other, we curse each other, but at the end of the day, we all laugh together. We're all walking different paths now but I guess, what's most important is that we all shared the same memories. The best memories in our high school life :) Miss you guys a real lot!

Wow.

Wednesday - Chicken Day. You cannot imagine how crazy it is to work in a kitchen on the day when the week's load of chicken comes in. Ermahgerd. But nice boss is nice boss. Although my name is spelt wrongly but hey, they don't speak chinese, so its good enough! :D This was what I got after work, a bowl of tomyum soup, a bowl of Thai version of "tang yuan", mango and chocolate. Wow. I was kinda shocked. I guess I'm lucky to have such nice bosses. Lol.

Yea, sure, I work like a "gu li", work until I'm completely worn out and I'm underpaid, but I guess not one job is perfect :) Hopefully I can juggle between my studies and work well. I need to push my limits and be better! 

More.

My Saturday was rather eventful I guess. I joined the Great Melbourne Race with YenJun. We thought it was a team of 2 people and we were so excited about it. Manatau when we went to the Arrow On Swanston yesterday, they sorted us into another group. A group of 5. Tbh, that morning itself, we wanted to play, have fun and TRY to win. Aiyoh. No more loh, because the rest in our group sort of took it slow and not-so-steady. But I guess it was fun in the sense that we got to meet new people :) We got to do silly silly things and laughed together. It was a pretty awesome day :DD

A picture after the race. Look at my tired face and messy hair while YenJun looks so fresh and energized! Haha!

Finally! I got a taste of Wonderbao! 

Taro Bao, Nai Wong Bao and Braised Pork Belly Gua Bao! *yums!*

I want Lao Sha Bao! Lol! Miss it like madddd!

Heard of Wonderbao last year, wanted to go and try it but Idk how and why, I managed to resist it. But the urge to try came back last month and I finally brought myself there to give it a go. It was a little pricey and yea, it was overrated. It was such a big deal on Urbanspoon. The baos were  really nice, but not super-uber-duper awesome until I lose myself.

My uni work is slowly starting to pile up. I am pretty screwed and its only the second week of the semester. Whoopsies! Time to pick up pace. Where's my sense of time management when I need it?! :/

累垮了

Second day at work.

I stink of stir-fry, curry, onions, garlic, deep fry etc.

My back aches from all the standing/bending/turning.

I am physically + mentally tired.

But the best part of the day is when I receive my pay at the end of the day! :)

Today's I mean yesterday was my second day and honestly, I've never done any of whatever I've done in these two days for the past 20 years of my life. It is all eye-popping, jaw-dropping, head-smacking stuff. So, this is how its like to work in a restaurant kitchen. I've learned a whole big deal, seriously.

But its all so energy consuming! Have to really learn how to juggle between my studies and work now. Reaching home at 12am for 3 days straight with classes early next morning is quite harder than I thought. I couldn't wake up for my class yesterday morning -_- And homework/assignments! No more excuses to slack I guess.

Anyways, its already 1.15am now. Should start working on my assignments while I'm still determined. Hopefully I don't hover my mouse to my drama folder and start watching unproductive stuff again! Must make this work! The feeling of being able to at least support part of my expenses is really awesome :)